Letting go

Letting go. Easier to say that, than to actually do it, when you first start becoming conscious of fear. If you are willing to let the past go, you can set an intention; This one works well for me: ‘I now let go of everything I no longer need’.

How stress and fear can make you feel

When you’ve been holding on your whole life, there’s a bit of self training to do in order to let go and keep letting go. Over the years of unconscious programming we have trained our cells to trap fear and hence create enormous amounts of stress in our bodies and in our lives. This response I liken to hanging onto something for fear of falling and dying.

The place where many of us experience ‘hanging on’ is in our gut and our solar plexus. If we take our awareness into our solar plexus there is a tension akin to gripping on to something.  That something is our fear. Little fears, big fears, it all amounts to great stress in our bodies and it won’t go away by ignoring it.

To let go of that tension, that gripping on, we need to take our awareness into that tense place and breathe. Breathe into that tight, hanging on feeling and be aware of the thoughts, inner dialogue and feelings that arise from this process.

Awareness of what you are feeling right now, in this moment, is halfway to letting it go.

When we listen to what our stress is telling us we may be surprised at the amount of stuff we have stuffed down. Put your hand over the stressed place and be still, keep the breath going as deep as you are able. Put your other hand on your forehead. This will keep you in the present moment, alleviating you from going back into any fear you are releasing. You are observing your feelings…you don’t need to buy back into the story of the fears that arise. This will start a process cellular healing. You are in a witness state, a conscious awareness, watching, observing but not buying into the story that is arising as the cells of your body release the stress they have been holding onto for years.

Be Here Now. Breathe. Witness. Be Still. Be Present. Keep Breathing. Smile. You are not dying. You are stepping into your power. Letting go.

Good on you, you are doing well!

Keep Breathing. : )

Loss of a parent

Hello, I’ve been away from work for nearly two years. During that time, two members of my immediate family had cancer, and one broke her ankle in two places.  I’ve been doing family support and grieving as my father didn’t survive the cancer and treatment. He was eighty and a couple of weeks before he passed away he told me he’d had a good innings and he was ready to go. He wanted to die at home and for the first time in my life he asked me for help. He didn’t manipulate me and didn’t say, ‘will you do me a favour?’ He said, from his hospital bed; ‘I don’t want to die in hospital, I want to come home and die. Will you help me to do that?’ So I helped Dad die. The grief caused by loss of a parent, still lingers in eddies that are hard to describe.

Loss of a parent

Dad and me

In the last two months my father and I healed our fifty year misunderstandings and finally, I was able to say to him, ‘I love you Dad and what I’ve been asking for for fifty years is that you respect my feelings and thoughts. I have a different opinion on things and that’s okay. If you die and we don’t heal our differences, I don’t feel like I’ll be able to move on in my life. My inner child misses her Daddy that she had up until the age of four. I don’t know what caused the separation (although I do have my ideas on why that happened) I only know that my heart aches because my inner child misses her Daddy, and why can’t you hug your adult children, what’s wrong with that?’ It sounds gentle here but this ‘conversation’ happened in loud voices…mine mostly.

For the last two months Dad and I had spontaneous cuddles and there was no feeling of separation just love. What a journey! (tears are running down my face now as I write this)

There was one moment in the last couple of weeks of Dad’s life where he was descending the stairs to go to the garage, he’d paused at the turn in the staircase to say something to me (I was standing at the top of the staircase) in that moment, I nearly rushed downstairs and hugged him…but I hesitated and missed that opportunity…there was never another moment like that one.

Loss of a parent is a rite of passage and it takes however long it takes to heal from that process. Many people have made a point of speaking to me and giving me their condolences. One of the things I’ve realised through this process is that, in losing the parent that I had the tightest heart-bond with, I haven’t ‘done grief…grief has done me.’

I have been gifted with two things (at least); I had the most amazing experience of taking Dad across to the other side, and he’s still visiting me in spirit form to help me and give me encouragement as I care for my mother and clean up the creative mess that he left behind.

If you are watching your parents change and grow old, remember to take all the opportunities to say the things you need to say. Some of those things may be really difficult but the best present is the present…say it while you have the chance.

The loss of a parent runs deep.

 

How do we follow our hearts?

How do we follow our hearts?

How do we follow our hearts when most us spend most of our time in our heads? Recently, I found myself helping a friend find out how to follow her heart. Nicky was trying to decide whether to make a commitment to do a year long course. It would push her and take her out of her comfort zones, it was about spiritual enlightenment and she wanted that. It would be a big day of driving once a week for most of the year. It would take time away from her family. All these things she was weighing up, trying to make the ‘right’ decision.

As Nicki told me all the pros and cons, I watched her body and facial expressions. She was obviously experiencing stress.

I asked her, ‘Why do you want to go?’

‘Because every body else is, I know I’ll learn heaps, because if I don’t go I’ll miss out…’ – you know the kinds of thoughts we have about decisions like this. Then she said, ‘I just feel confused! How do I know what is the right decision to make?’

We, often hear ‘follow your heart’ but how does one do that? For centuries our culture has been driven to work it all out in our heads.

‘How does it make you feel when you think of going?’ I asked.

‘Stressed!’

‘Now how does it make you feel, when you think of not going?’

‘Relieved! I just want to be on track with my soul’s journey!’

‘Okay. What you need to look for is the Yay! Factor’ I said. ‘So instead of trying to sort it all out in your head, you need to find out how you feel about your options.’ The guide to your soul’s path, is in your heart, not your head. So when you feel excitement, yay, fun, good vibes etc…that’s your heart talking. It talks to you in feelings…not words.’

‘Wow.’ Nicki said. ‘That’s so simple! I’ve made my decision. I’m not going. Yay!’

How do we follow our hearts?

a true story…

Once upon a healing workshop, two friends were staying in a hideaway working on their stuff. Walking on isolated beaches, navel gazing and getting the tears and anger up and out. On day three (father’s day) they decided to go out and find somewhere nice to eat.  As they drove along (not knowing where they were going to find food) they decided to manifest exactly the right place. The driver was thinking that a big hamburger with the lot would totally satisfy her.

Hamburger with the lot

Hamburger with the lot

As they drove along they were looking for the signs. Not the ones we would normally read but following the angelic signs – significant personal symbols.
They watched what they were noticing on the drive, one pointed out lead-light windows, the other saw a picture of a dolphins on a garden wall, these were the signs of significance to them but after a while it seemed like the hamburger with the lot was not getting any nearer.

At a T-intersection the driver had stopped and was thinking…‘you know it’s not a hamburger I’m looking for, it’s the satisfaction of a nourishing meal.’ She made a out loud proclamation, ‘I desire to eat something that totally satisfies me and makes my tummy go yum!’

‘Yes!’ the passenger agreed, ‘that’s what I desire too!’

The driver then looked in both directions at the T-intersection, they were in the middle of a coastal residential area. With the desire firmly planted in her mind, she felt into her heart…which way felt the lightest? She turned first to left with her body and then right. Left and right again, each time feeling into her heart to see which way felt the lightest…definitely the right hand turn.

As they drove along they saw a dolphin wind chime, more lead light windows, a dolphin sculpture, the driver kept following the feeling in her heart…another turn left this time…a huge lead-light window that was so awe inspiring they both cried out in joy…and then a picture of dolphins on a sign that pointed to – the beach-cafe…

Situated right behind a lovely beach they found the cafe but it was noisy. The driver felt disappointed, ‘I need somewhere peaceful to eat.’ She asked the man behind the counter was there a quiet cafe in the area?

‘Come with me.’ He took the women through a set of heavy double doors and showed them to a quiet table inside a quiet dinning room. They smiled at each other.

This was father’s day and it wasn’t hamburgers…they both picked meals on the menu that just jumped out at them and they had the most satisfying lunch that made their tummy’s go yum. Happy Father’s Day!

Finding My Authentic Self

Finding my authentic self has been almost a lifelong journey so far. I have had many experiences which have led me to explore the questions : Who am I?  Why am I here? and… Am I really happy?  My answers to each of these questions I found through writing my book. You will find your answers to similar questions by reading, Are You Really Happy? Understanding Ourselves.

As a child, I was ostracised and bullied at school because I was ‘different’. Through my enforced isolation I created a world of safety in aloneness. I learnt to be self reliant, and not to compromise who I am to get the acceptance of others.

At 17, stunned by the death of my beloved grandmother, the break-up of my first relationship, my best friend moving away and my dog dying, I had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a mental institution, where I stayed for 3 months, diagnosed with acute schizophrenia. This was the beginning of my journey of awakening, as I learnt to understand my acute psychic sensitivity and how it had been having a severe impact upon my life. 

Over the following two years I stabilised from having my breakdown but emotional, mental and physical overload kept building and at 32 years old, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was totally burnt out, my body’s functioning was breaking down, I thought I was going to die. I gave away all my belongings, left Sydney and moved to Byron Bay where alternative healing is a feature of the local culture.

Looking for clues to why my life had been such a struggle, I began to write. As I wrote, more information wanted to come through. So, I made a date with destiny. On the days I feel well enough, I sat at my computer and wrote whatever came into my head. In six weeks I had an outline for my book,  Are You Really Happy? It took ten years of writing and refining to bring it to it’s first publication in 2004. Every time I wrote a new draft it put me through more hoops of personal learning and growth – all good.

The book is a distillation of all the techniques I used to recover from the chronic physical, mental, emotional and spiritual dysfunction I had suffered from for years. I believe we do not have to be satisfied with learning how to manage an illness. We have within us the potential to be totally well…and happy.

I have healed from various mental illnesses, manic depression, disassociation disorder, multiple personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and a whole range of chronic physical illness, including gall stones, scoliosis (crookedness of the spine), a very toxic liver, an ulcerated oesophagus, hernia, sinus, food intolerances, nervous dyspepsia and uplift hip (one leg shorter than the other) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I manage my wellness and health by listening to my body. I still don’t always get it right but I’m human and open to learning.

I have worked in the electronics industry. I am a ballroom dancer and teacher, I perform stand-up poetry and comedy, I play music, I write, draw, paint and design. I am a spiritual counsellor, healer and teacher, but what I do best is being me. It’s a whole lot of fun and it’s always an adventure.

I suppose if there is a name for what I do and who I am, it would be:

A modern day Shaman. (I’ve learnt how to live my life for the fun of it!)