Are You Really Happy?

Are You Really Happy? Understanding Ourselves gives clear steps to healing from any chronic illness. Although the symptoms may vary, the process is the same. 

  • Explore your relationship with difficult emotions like fear, anger, guilt and depression and learn about how your past experiences affect your present life.
  • Learn how to change the way you handle stressful situations, experience them as personal teaching tools for self empowerment instead of something to dread and avoid.
  • Discover how to communicate with your Inner Child.
  • Reparent the Inner Child and develop the kind of relationship you wish you could have had with your parents!
  • Develop your Internal Witness so you can live in the here and now without the past overwhelming your present experiences.
  • Learn to observe yourself and choose to respond rather than to react to situations you find yourself in.
  • Learn how to find your personal truth, stand in your power and be your authentic self. 

The book is sectioned into chapters that deal with different emotions and concepts that relate to living as a human being. Subtitles in the chapters break the points down into bite size chunks.

Journal work gives the reader practical written exercises to ground their understanding of the text and put what they learn into everyday practise in their lives to initiate positive change.

Have a look at what is covered in the book…

Table of contents

Introduction (an excerpt is here)

About the Journal Work

New Concepts






Causal events



The Feeling Body

Back into the feeling body

The Internal Witness

What is the internal witness?

The internal witness observes all the different parts of ourselves

Developing the internal witness

The Inner Child

Alive and in control

Nurture and parent the inner child

Teddy Bear therapy


Family of Origin

Dysfunctional behaviour patterns



How to recognise Fear

We all know fear

Childhood fear

Adult fear

What does fear want to tell us?

Authority figures

The unknown

Feel the fear take the risk

Fear traps us into negative patterns of behaviour

Conscious breathing keeps us in contact with our bodies

Dark night of the soul vs remaining secure

Techniques for dealing with a fear reaction

The Shadow

The shadow

More consciousness to everyday living

What do shadows look like?

Some other shadow behaviours

Early childhood memory recovery

Dumping our shadow onto other people

Taking a closer look at yourself

Past life recovery

Embracing the whole picture


Reclaiming you

The person you need to love first

How Can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself?

The You factor

Inviting the next growth spurt

Personal power


Hidden traumas that prevent you from living your life

Example of buttons

Reactions that indicate hidden trauma

Things to be aware of in your recognition process

Passive buttons

Going overboard

Inappropriate reactions?

Unusual reactions

Observe reaction change behaviour

Doing a blah session

How did I heal the past?

Realizations that came from the past

How did I deal with the present event with my partner?

A warning

If you find you are coping


What is anger?

Negating our anger

Expressions of denied emotions

Recognising anger

How does anger manifest – internally?

Anger express – externally

Powerful or powerless

Repeats from the past

Healthy expressions of anger

Shouting is okay

What are you angry about?

Clearing the air

Healthy Communication

What’s a Script?

Remove the Hooks

Identify the Scripts

Finding the patterns from the hooks

Are you having a justified response to circumstances?

How does our anger affect others?

In what ways do you express your anger?

Secondary processes with anger

Analysis paralysis

Using our anger constructively

Dealing with other people’s expressed anger

Dealing with other people’s suppressed anger

Your anger wants to tell you something



Accept responsibility for yourself



Finding inner truth

When we meet we really meet

Honesty is the best defence

Confusion with words

When people don’t want to hear the truth

Three sides to every story

Have no expectations

Trust isn’t alway easy

Owning our mistakes


Self responsibility means we don’t blame others


How we learn

Keep a journal to keep track

Self Esteem

What is self esteem?

Acquiring self esteem



Patterns in relationships

Learn to laugh at yourself

Easy to get in – hard to get out

The Fantasy of love

Time to call it quits?

Leaving our partners to fulfil ourselves


Unrequited love

Intimacy = in-to-me-see


Unconditional love



Rejection hurts

Why am I rejected?

Why do I reject?

Is rejection really a projection?



Tactics commonly used in arguments when youare not listening

Active listening – how do we do it?

Practise, practise

Listening with our heads and our hearts

How we say it can change the way someone hears it

We are both okay

Owning your experience of life

True communication


Understanding our methods of communication

Direct and indirect communication

Definition of words


Body language

Sharing, a way of clearing the air

No, you are not paranoid

Psychic emotional sponges

Asking for what you want


Three sides to every story

Our expectations affect our realities

The Mind

A tool, not the master

Mental health



Are you in denial?



Dream interpretations

Déjà vu


My first symptoms

What causes depression?

Where does depression comes from?

The first sign of depression

How long will it last?

Depression is not a life sentence

How do I change a lifetime of not being me?

Replacing the space

To medicate or not to medicate

Self enquiry is the pinnacle of long term change


Controlling ourselves

Control of others

Why do we allow others to control us?

What does ‘Out of control’ mean?

Letting go

Letting go of concern for others

The Internal Critic

Never good enough

The voices in my head


Say ‘no’ to the inner critic and saboteur


Pain is for transformation

Nobody else causes our pain

What does physical pain have to tell us?



Be gentle with yourself


A new definition

Secrets cause separation




Role playing




What is integrity?

Why is integrity so important?

When we are in our integrity

Integrity and truth

Checking out the integrity of others

Integrity towards yourself


Relationships and integrity

When what you want is not good for you


Fear of changes stagnates you

I truly desire happiness


The natural flow of energy

Living our dreams

Source of joy

Creative thinking


Setting intentions


Get your selves together



Healthy living

Growth work

Same sex groups for growth work

Self healing work that I have done

Moment by moment

Living in the now

What’s perfect?

The perfect is

Detachment from outcome


Why are we learning it all again if we already know it?

Food for thought

The new age

Is there a higher power?

How does praying help?


The beginning


Appendix A

Protection for you energy fields

Appendix B

Phobias and kinesiology

Appendix C

Two major illnesses – Two major life lessons

Mental Illness

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

My Dream


Recommended Reading



Introduction excerpt

This is the journey you sign up for once you realize that you are not happy with the way you are living your life. When nothing you do, buy or consume fills that empty place inside you.

These things I write about come from my own experiences and from listening to other people. I now realize if I’ve felt love, fear, anger, comfort and happiness, then most likely my fellow humans have also felt these feelings and, if I’ve had problems trying to work things out, maybe I’m not the only one.

I consider myself to be a student of life… If the same lesson keeps appearing in my life, I stop and ask myself: what it is that I need to learn?…

If I was in love, I was drugged out on the intense feelings. Joy, depression, sadness, paranoia, anger, you name it, I got lost in that emotion.

…I found these constant ups and downs exasperating. Why was every feeling so overwhelming? Maybe everybody does not feel emotions to the extent that I do, but I certainly see evidence that people get overwhelmed by their emotions… I’ve learnt that life doesn’t have to be like that.

We can learn to choose what we experience on an emotional level and still know that our emotions are not us and we are not our emotions. Emotions are there to tell us something but they are not the totality of life…

…we can learn to stand back from our feelings and reactions, and ask ourselves the questions that enable us to learn and grow.

…there is no need to keep choosing relationships that make us unhappy and assume that’s what love is all about…

…I really had to question what I was looking for… I was looking for the relationship that was happy, one hundred percent of the time…

Every emotional reaction I’ve ever felt seems to have a cord linked back to its own source. Part of my journey has been to find and heal the origin of emotional drama and work on improving my relationship with myself, hence improving my relationships with others…

…Let the information in this book wash over you. You may only be able to read a very small amount at a time. Small doses are okay. This book is about the journey of life. One step at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time. You may read one idea and want to cogitate on it, that’s fine…

…Throughout the text, I have explained how I resolved my own problems. I’ve often sought the assistance of a professional therapist when life has felt too difficult…

My intention is to live in my highest truth at every moment of the twenty-four hours I have in this day, and you can bet I’m not perfect but I know that whatever is happening, it’s for a reason that is perfect for me.

The Perfect Is.

Self discovery, is the journey home.

Buy the book.

Read a free sample chapter on depression.

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